Scanxiety

Scanxiety: When the Body Remembers

This week I attended my six-month follow-up appointment at the hospital.

The appointment itself lasted only a short time, but the days leading up to it felt much longer. If you’ve experienced cancer, you may know exactly what I’m talking about. There is even a name for it: scanxiety.

Scanxiety is the fear, worry, and uncertainty that often accompanies scans, blood tests, and follow-up appointments after cancer treatment. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed or how positive your previous results have been. The body remembers.

I noticed it creeping in throughout the week. While I did my best to keep my emotions under control, my body was telling a different story. My shoulders were tight. Sleep became more difficult. My mind wandered to places I didn’t want it to go. I felt tense without fully realising why.

It’s fascinating how we can convince ourselves we’re coping, while our nervous system quietly carries the burden for us.

One of the biggest lessons cancer has taught me is that healing isn’t just physical. Even after treatment ends, there is an emotional recovery that often receives far less attention. Every follow-up appointment can reopen the memories of diagnosis, treatment, uncertainty, and fear. It isn’t a sign that we’re moving backwards—it is simply a reminder that significant experiences leave lasting impressions.

Thankfully, my check-up went well.

There is a possibility of some liver damage that needs further investigation, but at this stage there is no reason to assume the worst. Like many aspects of survivorship, it is another step in the journey, another reminder that uncertainty is something we continue to learn to live alongside.

Over the past two years, I have realised something important: hope and uncertainty can coexist.

Being hopeful doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect. It doesn’t mean ignoring difficult emotions or refusing to acknowledge fear. Hope is choosing not to let fear write the ending before the story has been told.

Today, I choose hope. I choose optimism. And above all, I choose gratitude.

Gratitude for another positive appointment. Gratitude for the incredible medical professionals who continue to care for me. Gratitude for the people who have supported me through every stage of this journey. Gratitude for another day to live a life that feels meaningful.

If you’re reading this while waiting for your own scan, test result, or follow-up appointment, I want you to know that what you’re feeling is completely understandable.

Your anxiety is not a sign that you’re weak. Your fear does not mean you’ve lost your resilience. Your body is responding to something it has lived through.

Be gentle with yourself during these moments. Slow down where you can. Breathe deeply. Accept support from those around you. And remember that whatever happens, you don’t have to carry it alone.

Cancer may change the way we experience the future, but it doesn’t have to take away our ability to live fully in the present.

For today, my results are good. For today, I am hopeful. For today, I am deeply grateful. And sometimes, for today is enough.

If you’re a woman rebuilding after cancer, trauma, or a major life transition, I’d be honoured to support you. Get in touch to book a confidential counselling session.

Love, Michelle